Self-sabotage

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This is what I do most days… I know what I am doing and can acknowledge that it is not ideal for me to do it but it’s like there is a magnetic pull that I cannot ignore which means that I find it really… really hard to keep according to plan.
For example, I will decide on a Friday that the coming week will be the week that I finally get my act together and try to make my dream of a 6-pack materialise. I will organise gym wear, get my meals for the week sorted and even tell my husband so that at least someone will hold me accountable for my actions. Now my husband is always of the opinion that I really don’t need a 6-pack or thigh gap or whatever it might be that I am using as a reason for my self-imposed boot camp but is happy to go according to plan as long as it doesn’t inconvenience him too much. Come Monday morning when its time to wake up in the morning, that’s when the train usually gets derailed. Having a healthy breakfast is something that I do every day anyway so after missing my exercise regime in the morning, I console myself by saying at-least brekky is healthy. I go to work with my water bottle and come lunch time have my low-calorie meal.
Now I don’t know if this happens to everyone else but on the days that I am apparently trying to eat healthy, it’s like I am ALWAYS hungry and probably eat more than I would if I wasn’t too concerned about what is going into my mouth. I suddenly get not only a sweet tooth, but a salty and spicy one all rolled into one. By 3 pm I am already thinking of what I am going to make for dinner and what other snacks might be available when I walk through the door. This is all going on at work, between patients of course and it’s something I am ashamed of because really, I shouldn’t be thinking about food all the time but that is what just happens.
When I get home, I try and be good, drinking water, having fruit etc but after dinner, I always seem to go crazy with my cravings and then think to myself tomorrow is another day to start again whilst I know that the cycle will just continue. I often counsel patients about all things diet/food related like drinking water before a meal, asking if you are hungry before putting anything in the mouth, dealing with emotions and acknowledging them rather than suppressing them with food so I think I do know what I am MEANT to be doing although putting this into practice is the most difficult thing.
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I recently started pole dancing classes with a friend (another story for another time) and I thought this would be the stick that I needed to get my butt into gear but I can honestly say that this is not the case. It has been an embarrassment being the only student in the class unable to climb up the pole and touch the ceiling like my nimble classmates but even that has not been enough motivation to get my act together.
I know this is a struggle that I share with a few people and I know that some people have probably worked their way out of our self-sabotage crew so it would be great if someone can enlighten me so I can finally be a step closer to my 6-pack. I think my thighs are too in love to ever agree to a thigh gap so we will just plan for a 6-pack for now..
*Images from Google

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