The parenting series

Part one: It might not happen as quick as anticipated….

Photo by Dominika Roseclay on Pexels.com

This is a series I have been thinking of doing. Inspired by multitudes of my patients and addressing some issues that are related to the parenting journey in general… I am hoping that the upcoming little snippets of the journey to parenting, some very personal to me, shine a light on a topic that is rarely talked about in normal conversation. All those struggling with fertility or struggling with parenthood, just know that I see you and hope by normalising the conversation you can stop hiding your own struggles and feel open to talking to your GP.

Part 1: It might not happen as quick as anticipated…

It was a lovely weekday when Rebecca* and Sam* arrived for their appointment. They were a lovely young couple in their late twenties, and they had jumped through all the adulting milestones and were ready to be parents. Except, it was not happening which understandably was frustrating for them. They had got married, bought their house, got their large family car, and updated their health insurance for the upcoming stork delivery but it seemed the stork had the wrong address.

With the unrelenting questions of “when are you having babies?” from friends and family they had finally decided to come and see me for some assistance.

We started unpacking their presentation. They had already downloaded some apps to track her ovulation and they would have sex every day at the times when the app was saying and despite that, it was now 6 months later, and they were over the disappointment that came with the monthly period.

This was an easy one, or at least there was still room to move before we needed to refer them for specialist intervention.

First, we discussed that at their age they had 30% chance of falling pregnant with every cycle which is always interesting as most people tend to think the chances of conception are very high. Sure, if they were 16, they could have sneezed* and had an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy but usually when pregnancy is wanted, it does not always seem to follow the script as required.

Also, given their age and relative health, they were technically allowed to try for about 12 months in total before we started to investigate for medical issues that might be the cause of their difficulty in getting impregnated.

Additionally, although the ovulation apps let you know then the ovum/egg is released from the ovary, if you think of how small a sperm is and how far it must go to meet the sperm, it makes sense that if there is no sperm already at the end of the tube waiting for the egg to be released, you are already too late. Having said that, going at It like rabbits is not likely to help either as the amount of sperm in the semen is likely to reduce with time.

So as the consultation continued, I could sense their relief there were remedies we could trial before they were officially “sick”. First, they were to use the ovulation information they already knew but start the horizontal dance twice during the week and once on the weekend from about 5 days prior to ovulation until at least 5 days after the egg left the ovary. That would hopefully bring back the fun of doing the dance but also hopefully the reduced frequency will mean the concentration of sperm is maintained in the semen increasing the chances of getting knocked up. 

They left my consultation room looking more hopeful than when they arrived with some homework to consider. A few months later, Rebecca arrived with smiles beaming. She had peed on a stick and saw 2 lines…

*not real names or real patients

PS: remember that this blog entry does not constitute medical advice. If you have any questions of a medical nature, contact your nearest medical facility for help.

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Potty training

There comes a time when a man must learn to sit on the potty for all urine and faecal matter transactions and I think we have long arrived at that said time with the little man. I have been trying to get this sorted for the last week after reading blogs and researching the best methods that should “potty train your son in 2 days or less”. I honestly don’t think you can go from nappies to none in 24hrs like people have been telling me “from experience” and I will take any advice on how that is done with a grain of salt. Like labour pain, I think people really do forget how things really work and when you ask, years later, they fudge the numbers for the better. So we have decided to forge ahead and do it our way.

So far, little man is content to sit on the potty and he could sit on it all day but not a drop of urine is allowed to escape the bladder. We have tried rewards, taking the iPad away/giving him the iPad, distraction techniques and yes occasionally we have what I think is an accidental wee in the potty which we obviously celebrate over enthusiastically only to get back to square one, dry as the Sahara desert. We have nudie weekends and have big boy underwear days which is supposedly meant to offer some encouragement too. My consolation is that at least now someone asks for the potty AFTER he has already done a wee in the nappy so I am hoping one day soon, he will let me know before he lets loose. I have set a target of no nappies by Christmas and hoping that it comes true, fingers crossed…
Any advice that actually works, apart from rain dancing because that I have been diligently doing daily, would be most appreciated…

*Image- babypregnancycare.com

Dear new mummy… reflection piece

I was looking at some pictures taken during my pregnancy and post-delivery of my son 2 and a bit years ago and thought about how much I had grown in that short amount of time. My thoughts, perspectives, and life goals have certainly changed a whole lot since then and having a baby certainly does sometimes throw a spanner in the works. I thought I would pen something I would have wanted to know in those early motherhood moments and share with women who are yet to go through that phase of life.

It will all be okay– I have worked doing obstetrics for a while and working in large specialist hospitals can really skew what you see about pregnancy. Dealing with medically complex pregnancies or being involved in deliveries where everything goes wrong can really be traumatic or make one lose perspective. When it was now my turn to have my own bundle or joy, I was always scared of what could be around the corner despite having no significant medical history or reason to be concerned. Now, things didn’t really go according to plan, if ever there is one, with the delivery but I have ended up with a smart, loving little boy and I couldn’t be happier. Reflecting on my whole pregnancy and delivery as well as all the patients I have cared for whilst going through the same phase of life, I can honestly say that relax and enjoy the journey. Most times than not, things work out okay. Our bodies are great devices that can have a few hearts, brains and limbs growing at the same time and still manage things relatively okay. So trust the body and what it can do…

Give everything time– You would think having been a medical practitioner in the field would equip me with a lot that other people don’t know but I think motherhood is mainly about allowing nature to take its course and following your instincts. This is true with even learning who this newborn person is, their likes and dislikes as they also learn who you are etc. Living in a fast-paced world, we are always looking for instant gratification and motherhood is, unfortunately, something that you grow into and this takes time. This also applies to getting back into pre-pregnancy clothes, developing some sort of routine and getting some form of sanity back after delivery. The other thing is to acknowledge is the impact having a baby can have on all your relationships but with time, you slowly DO get your groove back.

Enjoy every stage– corny as this sounds, this is very true. I remember during pregnancy, wishing that I had delivered already as I was tired of having to pee every few hours and when he finally did arrive, wishing he was able to do stuff like eating, walking, talking instead of just being a baby. Being in the moment can be a bit tricky when you are sleep deprived and covered in vomit but looking back, those stages were each treasure-worthy and sadly I must say I now occasionally miss the times when he was less mobile as I could get a lot done around the house without him following me everywhere. I now though, get to enjoy the language development and the cheeky personality that comes with it and I am definitely in love with this stage of his growth.

Take advice with a grain of salt and then do what works for you– when you are finally pregnant or have a newborn, people suddenly give you a lot of unsolicited advice about everything motherhood related from how to have the best birth experience, how to make them sleep all night, when and how to feed them etc. I remember doing the controlled crying technique to try and get little L to self-soothe and get himself to bed as was being recommended on my sleep help books. Not only did this make him even more cranky, it also DIDN’T work so we had to work out our own way for him to learn to self-soothe. So evaluate every advice you are given and do what works for you and your family.

You will love like you never had– I am one of those people who was very disappointed that I didn’t have that movie moment of love at first sight with little L. I was honestly probably stuck with “doctor hat” on instead of “mummy hat” when I got to see him for the first time and it took a while for me to realise that he was my own little man that I got to keep instead of the many babies I had delivered and gave back to their parents. As I grew into being a mother, and gradually became confident in my skills of safely growing a human, I have come to acknowledge how much I really love the little bugger despite the tantrums, snotty noses and having early morning human alarm clock. He has made me want to make the world better for him as well as make me want to be the best human example be could have.

In summary, motherhood has truly been an AMAZING  and rewarding life phase and I am looking forward to sharing this experience with my sister sometime in the near future…

Hoping some mothers can comment below and let me know what they have learned so far on their own journey…

 

*Picture sourced from Google