The parenting series

Part one: It might not happen as quick as anticipated….

Photo by Dominika Roseclay on Pexels.com

This is a series I have been thinking of doing. Inspired by multitudes of my patients and addressing some issues that are related to the parenting journey in general… I am hoping that the upcoming little snippets of the journey to parenting, some very personal to me, shine a light on a topic that is rarely talked about in normal conversation. All those struggling with fertility or struggling with parenthood, just know that I see you and hope by normalising the conversation you can stop hiding your own struggles and feel open to talking to your GP.

Part 1: It might not happen as quick as anticipated…

It was a lovely weekday when Rebecca* and Sam* arrived for their appointment. They were a lovely young couple in their late twenties, and they had jumped through all the adulting milestones and were ready to be parents. Except, it was not happening which understandably was frustrating for them. They had got married, bought their house, got their large family car, and updated their health insurance for the upcoming stork delivery but it seemed the stork had the wrong address.

With the unrelenting questions of “when are you having babies?” from friends and family they had finally decided to come and see me for some assistance.

We started unpacking their presentation. They had already downloaded some apps to track her ovulation and they would have sex every day at the times when the app was saying and despite that, it was now 6 months later, and they were over the disappointment that came with the monthly period.

This was an easy one, or at least there was still room to move before we needed to refer them for specialist intervention.

First, we discussed that at their age they had 30% chance of falling pregnant with every cycle which is always interesting as most people tend to think the chances of conception are very high. Sure, if they were 16, they could have sneezed* and had an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy but usually when pregnancy is wanted, it does not always seem to follow the script as required.

Also, given their age and relative health, they were technically allowed to try for about 12 months in total before we started to investigate for medical issues that might be the cause of their difficulty in getting impregnated.

Additionally, although the ovulation apps let you know then the ovum/egg is released from the ovary, if you think of how small a sperm is and how far it must go to meet the sperm, it makes sense that if there is no sperm already at the end of the tube waiting for the egg to be released, you are already too late. Having said that, going at It like rabbits is not likely to help either as the amount of sperm in the semen is likely to reduce with time.

So as the consultation continued, I could sense their relief there were remedies we could trial before they were officially “sick”. First, they were to use the ovulation information they already knew but start the horizontal dance twice during the week and once on the weekend from about 5 days prior to ovulation until at least 5 days after the egg left the ovary. That would hopefully bring back the fun of doing the dance but also hopefully the reduced frequency will mean the concentration of sperm is maintained in the semen increasing the chances of getting knocked up. 

They left my consultation room looking more hopeful than when they arrived with some homework to consider. A few months later, Rebecca arrived with smiles beaming. She had peed on a stick and saw 2 lines…

*not real names or real patients

PS: remember that this blog entry does not constitute medical advice. If you have any questions of a medical nature, contact your nearest medical facility for help.

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Youth week celebrations

 

Friday April 5th -Sunday April 14th is time to celebrate Victorian Youth Week this year. I will be participating in one of the many Africa Day Australia activities that will be going on as we celebrate the young people around us. I cant wait to meet with everyone and be among the young minds of Victoria. Hope to see you there.

When: Saturday 13th April 12:30- 1630

Where: Library at the Dock , 107 Victoria Harbour Promenade, Docklands Vic 3008

International Women’s day 2019

international women’s day 2019

It was a great honor to present to the beautiful women of Africa Day Australia as a guest speaker on this momentous occasion. I thought I would share my speech below for those who couldn’t make it to share as we celebrate women and the men who allow us to stand tall. Hope you enjoy it. Let me know on the comments please.

My name is Dr Tshegofatso (Teah) Mogae. I am a bit nervous so I hope I will not have verbal diarrhoea and divulge all my secrets. I am a mum, wife, medical practitioner and I own a small business called Losika Writes. I was kindly asked to provide a speech to an awesome bunch of women to celebrate international women’s day and I thought, sure why not. I am a woman, tick so I already tick that box at least. But then I had to decide what to talk about and that was the tricky bit.

Do I talk how being born a female in 2019 still sucks compared to being born a male anywhere in the world? Or about how 1 in 2 women in Australia will experience sexual harassment in their lifetime? Or how despite working hard women earn 85c compared to $1 earnt by men doing the same jobs yet then still do the bulk of unpaid care work at home.

So you can understand how if I was to talk about the #metoo movement or how 10 women and 1 child have died since the beginning of 2019 in Australia alone or how women such as Ms Rahaf Alqanun have to literally run away from their homes and lock themselves in hotel rooms to get tell the world of the plight of women in different parts of the world how sad my talk would be. I think these issues are important discussions to be had and I am sure we can make time for each of them, but I thought I would be uplifting on this special day.

So for that I turned towards the theme for this year which is balance for better. First thing I thought was oh no, they want me to talk about how work life balance and how I am amazing at that. Well, I did say I was juggling motherhood, being a doctor, lecturer, business owner etc so I must admit that work life balance is a mythical creature in my life. On further review though, the theme is about creating a gender balanced world which I think is a great challenge we as women face.

On this, the 108^th celebration of international women’s day can we try to spice things up a bit and hopefully try and get equality quicker than the 202 years projected for equality at the current rate. That means, with everything remaining the same, it will only be my great, great, great, great, great, grand daughters who would get to enjoy the fruits of our labour so I thought we could get things rolling a lot sooner. I understand that we have already made great strides as women in the recent centuries, but I am challenging us to try and pick up the pace. It was almost a hundred years ago that women discussed with the men in their lives the importance of equality in terms of casting a vote in the USA. Following that, MEN then voted to allow women to cast their own votes.

So why don’t we follow in their lead to make men be the ones working harder for our equality?

So why don’t we get the men in our lives to recognise when women are not being treated equally and to do something about it?

Why don’t we get the men in our lives to question when they are invited to board meetings or panels that don’t involve any women?

Why don’t we get the men in our lives to call out and have a zero tolerance to sexual harassment of women?

Why don’t we teach our sons that being a man doesn’t involve showing strength by beating up women but rather by building them up?

Why don’t we get the investor men in our lives to question why board members of the companies they invest in don’t have women on board?

Why don’t we get the leading mean in our lives to know that trying to rule a country with political parties, or institutions with only males at the helm is like trying to fly a 747 aeroplane with only 50% engine capacity, a recipe for disaster.

Women account for 50% of the worlds population so I think it is about time some of those men stood up and made room for our fabulousness at the table. All men come from a woman, were cared for by a woman, were nursed and probably taught by a woman to become who they are. So surely, we should ensure they know how fabulous we are.

They shouldn’t just stand up to pull our chairs or to open doors for us, they should question why we are not shoulder to shoulder with them and make room for us at the table.

It all starts with us owning our power and educating the men we birth and raise, the men we grow up with, the men we love and interact with and all men in general to stand up for our equality. So let us get to it ladies, this job needs all of us.

Thanks

Dr Tshegofatso (Teah) Mogae

MBBS, DCH, DRANZCOG, FRACGP

Making peace…

I was watching Jada Pinkett- Smith’s show – Red Table Talk recently about forgiveness. It was a chat with her step brother about their father and how they both coped with his addiction and the fact that he wasn’t present for most of their growing up. They both discussed how they had learned to forgive him/his actions and how he ended up dying without much resolution of his “demons”.
What resonated mostly with me was when she said “my father’s main purpose in life was not to be my father, but to have a journey of his own and I just happened to be born during his journey so I couldn’t expect him to stop everything to be my father.”
My parents separated when I was in high school and it was an acrimonious split. I have lived more than half my life without talking to my father who probably lives in the same city I grew up in which is actually a VERY small place. Sometimes I question my emotions about the whole situation whether I am angry/upset/disappointed. Despite the decades, I am still unsure how I feel and what I would like to occur to resolve my indecisiveness. At some point you start dating, get married and walk yourself down the isle Meghan Markle style, have a child and work a career that you love but still not resolve that relationship and where it stands.
My father was not really into drugs or alcohol or anything that would make me think he was a bad father. It’s like my parents got separated and his parenthood also stopped. Obviously there is bias from my point of view given this transpired whilst I was technically still a child but that is what I experienced.

Hearing Jada and her brother say those words about their father gave me peace about my father and our situation. I hope one day, before it’s too late, we can both be adults about the situation but I have peace should that not eventuate too.

Making a clone…

I would have never believed you if you said you could make an exact duplicate of yourself but with Losika I think I may have done exactly that.

Now most people are quick to talk about our looks and how we look very similar which I suppose is common. There are however, things that he has done that have shocked me as I identify myself in them from being about his age to now. Below I have listed those that are still fresh of mind

1. Nail biting – now I must admit I still do this even now but I am always conscious of not doing that when he is around. But he not only bites his finger nails, he bites his toenails too which I also disgustingly did until my late teens so its not like I have shown him how to do it.
2. Internalising emotions- he is only four but I see so much of myself in how he handles situations and emotions. I must admit, I am still learning how to tame the tiger but I remember many a time that I promised myself I would pack my bags in the morning and run away or went to bed without eating my dinner all because mum had been upset at me. I see how he responds sometimes when he is angry at me for disturbing his play and a part of me can see the cogwheels turning in his brain and wondering if he ever thinks like I used to. I hope that as he grows, I can teach him what I have learnt so far in managing emotions and not internalising them.
3. Watching TV whilst lying on his back- this used to be my favourite TV watching position and I can fondly remember watching SABC 3 back in the days and trying to learn tennis and cricket because those were the only things that were entertaining after school in our limited channel TV set back then.
4. Spending forever chewing one mouthful-  I fondly remember my mum telling me that you didn’t need to chew porridge or yogurt. Mum would say I was possible the only person who would chew WATER!!! Sadly Losika has developed the same trait of keeping each mouthful a lot longer in the mouth which can be frustrating as I try and ensure he completes his breakfast in the morning hustle and bustle.

Surely I am not the only parent who sees themselves in their child. Comment below and let me know that I am not crazy… I know I may be but hoping I am now hehe

Losika Writes lands in Botswana!!!

We have some great news for those who have been sending messages to find out where to get our beautiful products in Botswana. All in time for Christmas too!

Losika Writes products are available for PICK UP by contacting the details on our website whilst we finalise stockists in the next few months.

All orders to be processed via the website using discount code “BOTSWANA” or using this link to the website directly.

Also, listen to our recent 10 min interview with Kinderling radio to explain our “WHY”- the reason we do what we do.

Merry Christmas from all of us and thank you very much for your support. May we all enjoy the silly season and have a prosperous 2019.

Much love

Our first magazine feature!!!!!

We celebrate all milestones and this one is no exception.

We have been featured on MamaMag Eastside issue for April/May 2018 discussing the importance of “Keeping Language alive.” Grab your copy/read our article online and please support Losika Writes as we strive to celebrate our language diversity.

Our books are available as English only text or bilingual (Tswana/English and Ndebele/English books)

Losika Writes website – www.losikawrites.com

MamaMag link – Keeping Language Alive – page 42

 

 

 

5 quick ways to save money*

 

I am yet to find someone who is always happy spending exorbitant amounts of money on life’s basic needs. I know people who can spend a whole weekend going from one store to another chasing bargains or those families in the USA who take the art of “couponing” to the extreme. I chose to think I am not that extreme but admit I am always trying to find ways in which I can get what I need/want for a reduced price. Outlined below are 5 of the ways I use to try and save a penny and I look forward to hearing some of your tips.

1. Ask- As my favourite saying goes, “If you don’t ask, the answer is NO!” Since incorporating this thinking, I can say I haven’t paid full price for electronics and furniture in recent memory. Salespeople are occasionally allowed to reduce prices and you wouldn’t know unless you ask. I must admit there are stores where I obviously don’t ask for discounts like when doing my groceries but otherwise if there is a sales person and I am shopping, especially if it is for electronics or furniture, I will always ask if there are discounts available. I have been on a power-plan for the last 3yrs where I get 40% off my electricity bill because the power company is affiliated with my insurance company.  I didn’t know about such a plan until I asked the sales person if there were any further discounts available. As your mortgage, power/phone bills, insurances etc approach the policy renewal time, get into the habit of asking for discounts to get instant savings especially if you are able to provide a comparative policy for a much cheaper price point.
2. Off-peak use- I know the peak times for power, internet and try and get some tasks done at those times to reduce the overall cost. For example, I will set the dishwasher to start a cycle at 11am when we are all at work/school or at midnight as those are off-peak times. If I am downloading large amount of content or doing system updates, I will also use the same principle. This together with trying to buy energy efficient equipment makes me think that in addition to saving money, I am having a smaller carbon footprint which is great for the environment overall.
3. Use free resources- As an avid reader, I know that this habit can become expensive after a little while and this is where my local library steps in. I have signed up for free audiobook library with the local library which I use to access audiobooks for my daily commute. The aim to read 1000 books by 3 years of a child’s age can also add up after a while but the children’s library and toy library make this task affordable and somewhat exciting as I wouldn’t possibly be able to furnish little man with all the choice he gets from the library. Another thing is that, with more information available at our fingertips with the world wide web, things like recipes/instructions are not only found in the pages of a book as an example but are available in sites such as youtube or with a quick Google search.
4. Declutter- Sorting through the stuff you already have can save you a lot of money as you most often find things that are still of good use thus eliminating the need to buy more. It is with this process I have managed to “shop my wardrobe” and find some long-lost treasures in clothes and shoes that may have needed a small repair prior to getting back to full use again thus saving money overall. You can take this to the next step and host a garage sale to get rid of things that you have outgrown and recycling that money to buy you new clothes. You can also drop these items to charity which often results in priceless feel-good hormones.
5. Buy staples on sale- this goes without saying that staples like toilet paper, petrol or nappies shouldn’t be bought at full price. Getting into the habit of seeing when they are starting to run low and then buying in bulk when on sale can save money. Buying things that one may not use because they are on sale however, is a very expensive exercise and one that I don’t encourage.
+1. Another way to save money is to prioritise your health- eating well, exercising, spending time with family and close friends and nourishing those relationships is a great way to save money. The costs of being sick can spiral out of control even with health insurance and thus it is always important to try and be healthy to minimise the outgoing costs of getting you back to health and your previous earning potential.
These are my 5+1 ways I have used to try and make the coins we make stretch a little further. Obviously, it is always great to splurge a little where you can to reward yourself for all the hard work we do in our 9-5s as well as side hustles etc. I just don’t think the splurge should ever encompass basic things like power bills etc.

What are the ways you have used and what would you suggest I use too? Please comment below and let me know.

 

Play time…

As a mum to an active hyperactive toddler, play is always part of our day somehow. But with working full time, having 2 side hustles- Losika Writes and home, running a household etc, sometimes one wishes that there were more hours to the day let alone dedicate some play time. So I am proud to say, I recently made time to play with my boys and we sure had a great time. I have promised myself to try and do this weekly at the minimum and so far have been going well. I thought I would share some crazy pictures we took on our escapade.

Losika Writes (www.losikawrites.com) – Bilingual children’s picture books- get your own copy and support small business

Book binge…

The clock struck midnight on 31/12/17 and I wrote down my intentions for the year following through with my “Write it down and make it happen mantra”. One of those intentions was to challenge myself and find out how many books I would read in one month. This was an upgrade to the previous year’s plan which I had truly accomplished of reading a book a month. By the end of 2017, I had read 30+ books of many different genres so I thought I would get a great start to the year and see if I could read more than 4 books for the month of January. Well, I am pleased to say I managed to read 8 books in the month of January, a record I am not sure I will ever beat with work back in full force and without the long commute to work I used to have. This count excludes the multiple books I have been reading on repeat for the little one or the Losika Writes books we have just published.

I thought I would do a quick review of each book and rate it to complete my book binge month.

How to break your own heart- Maggie Alderson

This is a chick flick kind of book about a lady who has been married for 15yrs and then finally realising that despite never actually discussing parenthood with her husband, she is really keen to have a child. She is sick of the “missionary sex once a week with a condom” routine her husband has developed and seems content with. The book explores the people who come into her life as she tries to assert herself in her marriage.

3 stars for light-hearted reading but not much substance although I don’t think it was meant to be a book about substance

Mad about the Boy- Maggie Alderson

This is a chick flick book about a couple and their toddler son who migrate from Europe to Australia only for the man of the house to declare that he has been queer all along and would like to move in with his boyfriend. The book then follows the deserted wife as she tries to get her mojo back by jumping in bed with some guy she met at the gym.

2 stars- this book just got weirder and weirder as you read and one minute I was about to stop reading, but I had to finish the book. From the criminal investigations, the gay purple haired uncle and the bookstore antics, I felt there was too much going on.

Don’t Bitch, Just Get Rich- Toney Fitzgerald

This book is about changing your perspective about “what the universe has dealt you and getting on with life”. There are 7 people who enroll for a class through which they discover why their lives are stuck in a rut and what they can do to change things

4 stars- this book highlighted to me that we are all given 365 days a year during which we can choose to wallow in despair about the hand the universe has given to us, or we can choose to work towards something positive.

Hush Little Baby- Joana Barnard

This book is about a little baby who is found to have a broken arm and everyone in the home has something to hide. He is then taken out of his parents’ house as investigations on whether this is a case of child abuse occur and things start to unravel.

3 stars for the let down of an ending after setting up the story for all ¾ of the book only for the ending to leave you wondering what the? Is that it?

Secret Keeping for Beginners- Maggie Alderson

This is another chick flick book reinforcing that “all that glitters is not gold.” It is about a family of sisters who all have little secrets of their own they are not ready to divulge to each other whilst all putting up a façade that they all have their shit in order. Eventually, the secret longing for another man, the queer secret of one of the sisters and the true extent of how broke and in need of help the other sister is, takes a toll on the family and they have to come clean to each other.

3 stars for the light-hearted reading and true illustration that no family is “perfect”.

Bush Doctors- Annabelle Baryley

This is a collection of reflection stories of doctors that are practicing medicine in rural and remote Australia and how everyone started on their journey to become doctors as well as how they ended up doing rural medicine.

4 stars for the enjoyable book and insight into how people choose their career path and how great a role chance plays into who we eventually become.

Leaving home- Jodi Picoult

This is the shortest book of the lot. Basically, it is a compilation of short stories about transitioning from home ie leaving for college or burying a child.

3 stars for the beautifully written stories, however, as they are all short stories, by the time you get into the meat of the story it is then quickly finished.

Leaving time- Jodi Picoult

Now Jodi Picoult is one of my favourite authors and her book Small Great Things is one of my favourite all-time books. This book, however, is a confused mish-mash of ideas and a great disappointment. Parts of the book are a documentary about elephants of Botswana, my birth country, a book about a young girl looking for her mother, a psychic trying to get her mojo back and a private investigator who is trying to solve a cold case. At the end of it, I was tired of the storyline as I felt it kept switching from one to another.

2.5 stars- a great disappointment by a great author

Pants on Fire- Maggie Alderson

This is a story about a young lady who runs away from a cheating fiancé to try and start a new life in Sydney, Australia. She is immediately thrust into a very fast lifestyle of queer mates, loose sexual relations, drinking and drug use and eventually gets spat out after the merri-go- round ends.

3 stars- I guess it’s about a lifestyle I would never be interested it so I really could not relate.

The Scent of You- Maggie Alderson

This is a book about a perfume blogger who sees and experiences the world through her sense of smell. Her husband moves out of home under mysterious circumstances only to be found out that he has been going to work as usual and living not too far from home. The book then follows lady of the house who smells her way to another man’s arms and all the challenges she faces as she transitions to being a ready to mingle single mother.

3.5 stars for the perfume recommendations at each chapter and for the education about the making of perfume.

On closer inspection, the books I read for the month of January were light-hearted chick flick type of books and I suppose they reflect the season and mood I was having at the time. With everything else being hectic, sometimes you just want to get lost in a silly, frivolous book and escape into its pages and I must say, I really cherished reading each book although admittedly some were more enjoyable than others.

I challenge you to try and find out how many books you can read in a month too…

 

*Images from Google